Integration (3 of 4)
Following on from the previous post - ‘a simple framework for transformation’:
Meditation > Contemplation > Integration > Transformation
This is a brief on the third element.
Integration is where transformation becomes real - it’s bridging the gap between insight and way of being.
From potential to realisation.
I remember spending so much time consuming books, podcasts and talks on meditation and the brain, neuroplasticity, spirituality & inner work, self-improvement etc. for so long…
I was gaining more knowledge on these topics, more self-awareness - I was sitting around in meditation, paying attention and noticing my patterns, contemplating what I was noticing - but it was without taking the neccessary actions to make them part of me.
All these things remained concepts & theories - lessons waiting to be truly learnt.
The crux of integration is action - internalizing new behaviors, beliefs, and ways of being by doing them - so they become second nature. It’s the same process that we unconsciously undertook to get to this point.
It’s about aligning your daily actions with your newfound wisdom, this vision for who you want to be.
Without integration, transformation remains incomplete—it’s like planting seeds but not nurturing the soil and tending to the environment - never letting them take root.
Very quickly the weeds grow back.
During this phase, I remember countless times during my relationship with my ex-wife (Yvette) of 7 years, that I’d slip back into old patterns - particualrly triggered by her disdain for the relationship I have with my mother.
My bro and me were raised by her as a single parent since 4 & 5 (so you can imagine the attachment issues) and the Indian mother is well known to be over-bearing and overly mothering.
Yvette is 13 years my senior, closer to my mum’s age than mine - they didn’t get on…
I couldn’t see how I’d slip into “mummy’s boy” when around my mum, or how she could take advantage of that in order to get a ‘psychological win’ over the wife.
It caused a fair bit of conflict with me and Yvette, and it was painful because I knew I was avoiding facing up to my mum…
It was only after taking the action of having very uncomfortable and difficult conversations with my mother that I began to shift this pattern.
As my own man, not just my mum’s son. Our relationship is much more healthy now since then.
Went off on a tangent…but my point is the reverting back to old patterns when challenged - the familiar behaviours and thoughts. So this piece on taking actions is vital - they are the validation and evidence of the new person I was becoming.
A few points on working thru integration - an on-going process because there is always new experiences for us to learn from and make part of a new way of being….
Embodied Practice: making it part of you, not just in the mind - but moving, speaking, responding differently.
You will be tested in real-life situations.
Emotional Processing: Old wounds and patterns will resurface as you shift. Instead of avoiding them, they’re an opportunity to meet them in a new way, with awareness and compassion.
They are signs that you are growing - you wouldn’t be bothered if they come up otherwise.
Repetition & Consistency: Neural pathways are rewired through repeated action. Instead of "trying" to be confident by thinking it—we live with the confidence that comes with taking aligned action, until it becomes second nature.
This path comes with challenges, it seems the Universe throws up tests to ensure we are who we say we are - the attachment to this old version of you, clinging to who you were, will be resistance who you’re becoming.
What I’m seeing is that it is safe to let go, to shed these layers I’d accumulated that don’t serve me any longer.
True integration requires the committment to letting go of the old identity to allwo the new to really solidify. This requires a full, whole-hearted YES.
Next up the final part in this series: transformation. The cherry on the cake.
Let’s walk together.x
Arjun